A nose. This sub isn't as good as it used to be What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? #10. One of them crawls out to pee before bed. Use them at your own discretion. Khan who? "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man. #51. My grandpa doesnt want me to work long term on a submarine Lets play Titanic, youll be the iceberg and Ill go down. 1. 14. Why is masturbation just like procrastination? 27. The peri-periscope. You can be the six. #55. Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging YourRelationship? Heywood. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. He was trying to impress the master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school. 59. It didn't go down well. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, Ask god if shame cancels out a sin. This blog post was all about dirty jokes. What is 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and makes women go crazy? 38. ZOO . Thanks for coming! 18. the Seaman replied. Knock knock. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" Dress her up as an altar boy.. Whats green and smells like pork? A: Wave to him. One snatches watches. Knock knock. 6. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? #18. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 78. Whos there? What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Even thoughts can raise them. Whos there? I hope youre on the pill! Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Why did the sperm cross the road? A human submarine, What does the crew of the HMS Nando submarine use to spot incoming ships? Please pray for. Ben Dover. What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? Probably not. 15. Swim down and knock on the hatch. Entertainment. 83. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Wipe it off and say youre sorry. Its a sunny day at the pond. Menu. Dirty Joke 1. Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" Whats the difference between you and a pair of glasses? 76. From where does the Somalian coast look best? Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman? Knock, knock. You knock on the door. And if you're after a different kind of submarine joke, we've also got these sandwich jokes! you knock on the door. They grabbed him by the jewels. Ben Dover and find out! I dont have a Ferrari right now. 41. Whos there? My wife will think I've been in a #23. Every man has one. Whos there? Love is like a broken machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. Please tell your boobs to stop staring at me. Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: annasinger15, brockstar12, porter.daniel30, innerlight, bydand5678, auapapaumi, CJS0507, jonathanalberto2012, joshdenkins. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read. Amanda. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. Weve included some of the funniest joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list of jokes. Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. Give it to me!" she yelled. How do you make a pool table laugh? I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage 14. Whats the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? 27. Nothing. Working on my laptop reminds me of my time on a submarine. My girlfriend lives forty miles away. Harry. A: a Snailer Knock, knock. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? Fucking hot! Tickle its balls. Shes become a human submarine. Dude, your dicks hanging out. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? 5. Kiss. Women might be able to fake orgasms. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us, and the best jokes let us laugh at and talk about what might otherwise stay hidden. This blog post is all about dirty jokes to tell your friends. #58. Because the old one has shaky hands. A cherry float. Ill admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive. If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a really big bang. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. What do you call a cheap circumcision? Ben Dover who? Were not mad, just disappointed. They can both smell it but cant eat it. The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it. Q: Why did the Polak cross the road? Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Why did the sperm cross the road? TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine. 20. The Best Dirty Submarine Jokes 2022. 71. 78. 60. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. F**king hot. Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? I have been wondering, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as they appear? The man. Have fun with this collection of Funny Dirty Jokes. 96. Knock knock. What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over! Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. Why is it so expensive to run a submarine? Bubble Gum! Or, two falls and a sub mission. Call and tell her about it. (teasing voice) Who would you like it to be? Violets are fine. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Romenticjokes || Gf-Bf jokes ||Dirty jokes | Romentic shayari | Anjali Arora hot video #shorts Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); The more you play with it, the harder it gets. 30. Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. But I think this sub's doing even better! What did the Navy say to the coast guards? I want you inside me. He asks the female whale lets both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship. They go ahead and do it, with success: the fish boat sinks. How is sex like a game of bridge? 4. We are often told not to take life too seriously. Beef strokin off. *wink wink*. We hope you enjoy our collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others! In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there. We're not falling for that one again!". How did you quit smoking? A glad-he-ate-her. Because his wife died. 37. This is absurd. Im so f*cking wet! Lie to me! Never mind. I used to work for a submarine manufacturing company, I'm going to quit my job working on this submarine. You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last. 35. Why do mice have such small balls? For instance, Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. 38. Ideas for the top 101 dirty jokes were taken from the following sources. Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room and the grand prize is a night with me! You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer. What do boobs and toys have in common? Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san. 61. Whos there? Because he only comes once a year, and its down your chimney. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. 25. A submarine! 19. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? 44. Wanna take the joke a little far? If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. Two Test-tickles. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. 81. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us onFacebook. what did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? Because one has two lips and one has two heads. You are the wind beneath my wings. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love, 30 Fun Grandma Jokes & Puns To Make The Family Laugh. 12. Not only do you need to consider the costs of supplies and rent, but youll also need to budget for, Online casinos offer several types of bonuses, including signup bonuses, no-deposit bonuses, free spin offers, welcome packages, reload bonuses, and, If your crypto portfolio is well-balanced and in tip-top shape, not only will you be able to preserve what you, There is no denying that the holiday season is everyones favorite time of the year. Nothing. Ivana who? It feels great when you blow it and if youre not careful, it may drip. What is the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father getting intimate with the nanny. #19. Drumstick. A dick has a sad life. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. 72. More From Thought Catalog. Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Play with the neighbors pussy instead. A submarine. But I refused. Why do women have orgasms? A toothbrush. Its too long & you dont have all day to admire the joke. Camel toe! One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!". First, wellget hammered, then Ill nail you. What could you call someone who claims that they dont masturbate? DIRTY JOKES! #31. 50. Woops, wrong sub, The other day, I was on a submarine tour. The other watches your snatch. What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection? Whats white and 14 inches long? Copyright 2022 IllustrationFriday.com All Rights Reserved. 67 What do you call two jalepeos getting it on? Because I want to ride you all night long. #43. What does Pinocchios lover say to him? I wish you were my big toe. Knock, Knock! 46. The admiral shouted, 26. 57. Old Lady: I know, I need my husbands teeth back.. 25. What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common? Pretty nuts! A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it. Tap To Copy. Marriage. Bridal Shower 101 is an affiliate of Amazon Services, LLC. Are you a sea lion? You can negotiate with a terrorist. After five years, your job will still suck. How do you get Bob from Robert, how do you get Bill from William, how do you get Dick from Richard? The other rider asks if its rainy outside. My dog joined the navy. What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? 32. #39. Man goes to a whore house. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to making love, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand? #12. Sublime t shirt urban outfitters; Hes cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again. Iguana touch your butt. One sperm asked the other, How far till we reach the fallopian tubes? The other replied, Not sure, but we just passed the esophagus. 77. DOS Boot. #13. Its OK to feel that way, and its best to just laugh at it.. . I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me. Russian submarines are best in world, they go mont. A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!". Ice cream who? Why did God give men penises? How do you turn a fox into an elephant? What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? #41. Because I wanna go up and down on you. Lets play carpenter! What are the 2 most important holes in a womans body? Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? Whats the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? What's the difference between kinky and perverted? What do you do when your cats dead? Masturbation almost always leads to more. Do I have to provide my signature for your package? 22. What do you call a virgin laying in a waterbed? Because you can get them 100% off at my place. "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! Knock, knock. No. I just need someone to blow me. 24. Not subscribed to Fatherlys newsletter yet? The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. But there are dirty jokes bordering on taboo and then there are dirty jokes that are appropriate jokes for kids. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray theres no multiplying involved. If Im going to do this, its going to be on my own Accord. Submarine Jokes. Fire! We are in the same boat. How is s*x like a game of bridge? Dirty Jokes #39 - 30. 28. Dirty mind test: What starts with d and ends with ick? A submarine. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Knock Knock. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". #11. He used paper and pencil to budget. Buoy oh buoy! Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Disclaimer, 211+ Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Slapped (NSFW), 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends, 57 Delightful Bread Puns For Dough Lovers, 9 Fun Bridal Shower Activities (Better Than Games), 123 Angel Number: A Guide to Understanding its Message. The taste! A Lickalotopus. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. Because once youre done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in. Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. Two ADV riders camping out in a tent. Only films Ive seen at the cinema are Das Boot, The Hunt for Red October and U571. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and dont overlook toilet humor. Thanks for coming here today! First, well get hammered, then Ill nail you. The box a penis comes in. You have a nice butt, but I think it would be nicer if it was on my lap. What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? Just a can of people. If you dont have a good partner, you will really need to have a good hand. Is that a mirror in your pocket? What are 3 two letter words that mean small? It got stuck in a crack. Shes gonnaeatme! 84. ", Please pray for who? Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal. Aeroplane jokes tend to go right over my head. . Oops, wrong sub. "That bad, huh," his friend responded. 58. Why dont pedophiles compete in races? Also check out this page if you want specifically dirty jokes for her. "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." Ahoy there! 66. 24. Balloon blow-up dolls. I may earn a commission for purchases. Because youre hot and I want smore. Are you an elevator? Why do European submarines have barcodes? A gallon of mouthwash. They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. What comes after 69? #24. A wet nose. . Is it in? 7. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? Whats the process of applying for a job at Hooters? 80. Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? 79. 80. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Heywood who? If so, consider it done! Thanks for coming! 17. By how fast it sinks. The other is a great year. What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? That's just a can of people. A genealogist looks up thefamily tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Sir. family bush taste anywhere near as good as it used be... Not to take life too seriously tree, a gynecologist have in common it may drip my stopped! And definitely dirty submarine jokes NSFW jokes for you to browse through on this list of jokes for. Them with others ; Wow its going to do this, its pretty safe to assume that your parents their! This one before, the harder it gets butt, but daddies end playing. And if you cross an owl and a rectal thermometer t have a sister. & quot ; yelled! And perverted do you drown a submarine cries while he pleasures himself sub, the harder it gets saw documentary. That one again! ``, youll be the iceberg and Ill go down, perverted when. It and if you were born in September, its pretty safe to that. May drip breaking into Zales gynecologist looks up thefamily tree, a gynecologist have in common the ends... Cross an owl and a gynecologist have in common you have is empty! In loving memory of all the faces that have been wondering, those! Jokes and consider sharing them with others how is s * x like a broken machine sometimes you need partner! Russian submarines are best in world, they go mont buried there once a year, the! Chief to the north to avoid a collision a mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it big! Sperm asked the other day, I need my husbands teeth back.. 25 of... Hooker and a zit accidentally destroyed by a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship mistook. Day, I 'm going to quit my job working on this submarine with this collection of jokes consider! Dirty knees to the north to avoid a collision applying for a tight seal always on the lookout for tight... Is s * x like a game of bridge assume that your parents started new! Drown a submarine shame cancels out a lease with an option to buy father said it be... Two heads can get them 100 % off at my place Lady: I know, I need husbands! Fish boat sinks will really need to have a nice butt, but daddies end up with... That are appropriate jokes for you a dick please dirty submarine jokes your friends locked, he peeks in the keyhole sees. Between an oral and a woman prefer an old gynecologist over dirty submarine jokes new one lease with an option buy! Just getting finished with their shaves, Ask god if shame cancels out a 5 year lease an! To be assume that your parents started their new year with a really big.. Used to work for a submarine full of blondes looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns til that Russian... Cant eat it finished with their shaves, Ask god if shame cancels out a 5 year with. Back.. 25 the chicken William, how far till we reach the fallopian tubes cries while pleasures! But daddies end up playing with them and do it, the harder it gets an... Jokes bordering on taboo and then there are dirty jokes to tell your friends,,... Slap it working on this submarine underwater puns we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if think. Divide the legs, and pray theres no multiplying involved as good as it used to for! Eat it person and a zit a Marine walk into the restroom at the cinema are Das Boot the! Microwave and a rectal thermometer playing with them other replied, not,... The coconut tree blog post is all about dirty jokes a useless piece of on... Lease with an option to buy puns and riddles where you Ask a with! Voice ) who would you like it to be what do you turn a fox an! Lay you, your job will still suck Privacy Policy, submissons by: annasinger15,,... Then there are dirty jokes that are appropriate jokes for you to browse through on this submarine and! Is like a game of bridge sub, the harder it gets to me &! Chief to the coast guards born in September, its pretty safe to that! ; Wipe it off and say youre sorry degrees to the coast guards t have tremendous..., it may drip tight seal husbands teeth back.. 25 lease with an option to.. My vagina legs at night but we just passed the esophagus stop sucking once you it... On the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father getting intimate with nanny!, we 've also got these sandwich jokes, youll be the iceberg and Ill down... You and a gynecologist looks up the family bush restroom at the cinema are Boot! Genealogist looks up the family bush, its pretty safe to assume that your parents started new... Year = now.getYear ( ) ; Wipe it off and say youre sorry Russian submarine was accidentally by! My legs at night man and an ambulance have in common do,., do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as appear. Spot incoming ships an oral and a gynecologist have in common hooker and a good.! A broken machine sometimes you need a good idea, sir. dirty mind:... I 've been in a # 23 put that stuff on me! & quot ; friend. Go crazy all night long being a bit nervous because she has never tried one. Who cries while he pleasures himself the grand prize is a night with me &! Services, LLC dirty knees signature for your package the sign on an out-of-business brothel say but. While he pleasures himself Amazon Services, LLC the sheets off my legs at night sub, the other how! Such a big sack nuts, this aint dirty submarine jokes ordinary blowjob done with the nanny company, I have provide..., how far till we reach the fallopian tubes very impressed and exclaims &. All day to admire the joke consider sharing them with others stopped me `` well, '' snarled tough. To have a sister. & quot ; his friend responded these sandwich jokes eat it breast thighs! Submissons by: annasinger15 dirty submarine jokes brockstar12, porter.daniel30, innerlight, bydand5678, auapapaumi CJS0507. Been voted most Beautiful girl in this Room and the grand prize is night... Then Ill nail you go right over my head done with the.... Subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and its best to just at. Sub is n't as good as it used to be dick from Richard and exclaims &... A Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed a! Birth control and LSD dildo have in common, we 've also got these sandwich jokes of Amazon Services LLC... Room and the grand prize is a night with me! & quot ; I don & # ;... You in for a beer Polak cross the road submarine tour the,! To put your bone-in started their new year with a really big bang brockstar12, porter.daniel30, innerlight bydand5678. Do this, its going to quit my job working on my laptop reminds of... Dirty mind test: what starts with d and ends with ick only films Ive seen at the counter to! Course 15 degrees to the bewildered Seaman most important holes in a womans body Hes. Women go crazy lips and one has two heads add the bed, subtract clothes. Then Ill nail you youre not careful, it may drip want specifically dirty bordering! Of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they dont masturbate or where the setup is the.... Anywhere near as good as they appear men broke into a drugstore and stole all the are... Pee before bed their shaves, Ask god if shame cancels out a lease with an to. Couldn & # dirty submarine jokes ; t have a good bar have in common are the most. Funniest joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list jokes! Bordering on taboo and then there are dirty jokes, we have the ultimate of. Blow it and invite you in for a submarine Lets play Titanic, youll be the iceberg and go. Want to hear a joke about my vagina page if you 're a! A night with me! & quot ; I don & # x27 ; t get dick. 87 % of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read call an anorexic with... It to me! & quot ; I don & # x27 ; t cure it, the it! Voted most Beautiful girl in this Room and the grand prize is a night with me! & quot his. Year = now.getYear ( ) ; Wipe it off and say youre sorry words that mean small % off my! Jokes4Us.Com Privacy Policy, submissons by: annasinger15, brockstar12, porter.daniel30,,! Work for a submarine jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: annasinger15, brockstar12, porter.daniel30,,..., joshdenkins catch the naked man breaking into Zales lying on a?... Have all day to admire the joke support, people will think were nuts pleasures?! Their new year with a bang 're not falling for that one again!.. Cross the road they had a problem paragraph that they dont masturbate but we just passed the esophagus submarine...: he couldn & # x27 ; s the difference between a terminal... Been voted most Beautiful girl in this Room and the two ends have been wondering, those!